Dirty Fucking Hippie

i shall be leaving you all for three weeks starting tomorrow to go to the greatest place in the world.

yes, i will miss Steve.

but yes, i will be having the best time ever.

(:

unfortunately i lack the words to adequately describe how i currently feel.

exuberant and elated dont seem to cut it.

i am quite arguably the happiest girl in the world.

the perfect kiss. 

so worth the wait.

im on my way to believing.

last night. was fantastic.

i was at a bonfire with my friends and i brought Steve along with me. i figure he’ll have to be immersed in my hectic friends and the real me eventually…there was no time like the present!

my friends love him. “he so charming and funny! i guess chivalry isn’t dead.”

then one of my friend gave me the one of the best pieces of advice i’ve recieved to date:

“honey. dont let got of this one. you’ve come too far from all of the losers and hurt that you’ve endured. he’s wonderful. and when you’re around him you seem so free and comfortable. you’re glowing, babe. hold on tight to this one. don’t fuck up or you’ll never forgive yourself.”

i’m going to do my damndest to not fuck up.

this is too good to let go.

im so happy im finding it troublesome to breathe.

its so different this time.

it feels comfortable. like when you encounter a familiar smell or surrounding.

that warm fuzzy at home feeling.

hes different. he doesnt rush into anything. hes content just being together. spending time. talking.

his hands are rough and calloused. the roughness feels like it counters my soft skin perfectly. showing that he has imperfection no matter what im lead to believe.

i can be myself. dorky. nerdy. intelligent. carefree. im not afraid of what he’ll think.

the best part?

he hasnt tried to kiss me yet. and im completely okay with it.

im a tad bit super duper crazy for him. (:

a few facts about me to add to my list that i seem to have forgotten.

1. i have a hard time opening up about myself.
2. i love super corny pick up lines.
3. i LOVE spontaneity but do appreciate things that are planned.
4. i have a very abundant vocabulary.
5. i swear far too much. apparently its unattractive.
6. i love meeting new people.
7. im a very awkward person and will do my best to create awkward situations.
8. i feel the need to be obnoxious and outspoken because i dont feel comfortable in my own skin. i dont think im pretty enough so i rely on my personality.
9. i have a very significant fear of not being good enough. thats why i overachieve.
10. i still feel like im the very overweight ugly girl i used to be, so i feel awkward getting positive male attention. i dont know how to deal with it so i generally laugh it off.
11. i thrive off the fact that i am extremely intelligent and dont hide it.
12. i will not compromise my beliefs or intelligence for anybody.
13. im stubborn.
14. i despise girls who play dumb to get attention from boys.
15. i want to go to Stanford, UCLA or NYU to major in English and minor in Journalism so that i can become a magazine/book editor.
16. i want to be successful.
17. i dont believe in marriage.
18. i do not want children and most likely will not be able to have them.
19. i want to try and experience so many cultures that my mind cannot handle it before i die.
20. i have very high expectations and standards for myself, my life, and what i do.

I. Finished. My. First. Triathlon.

i feel so unfathomably fantastic about myself. because guess what?

i got second in my age group. whats up? im just god.

i did, however, think i was going to die. the swim was great. unless you mind having lots of people clamor over you trying to get the ideal vantage point in which to repeatedly savagely kick you in the face. i was doing most of the kicking.

the biking. was death. pure, muscle straining, mind-bending, hateful, vengeful to my lack of training…death.

the run. ooohhh the run. first of all, i got off my bike and my legs basically collapsed under me. like jello jigglers. then i managed to somehow begin to run and i had to stop. because my sock fell off my foot and i could not run with my shoes rubbing against my heels because it felt like someone was was using a cheese grater to unceremoniously tear the flesh off of my achilles tendon. but i managed to round the the last turn, and sprint down the straight away to the finish. at this point i was so wacked out of my mind that the finish line looked like a glowing gate of holy refuge…it was a good morning.

i finished. with gusto. IN SECOND FUCKING PLACE.

needless to say. im awesome.

and who’s the first person i call? … not my dad. not my brother. not my best friend.

i called Steve.